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From “The Emotional Incest Syndrome” by Patricia Love with Jo Robinson.
The Identity Problems of the Chosen Child
(The child within a relationship of enmeshment with a parent.)
From pages 46 – 51:
(BUY THE BOOK if you find this relevant to you!
This is a gross condensing of the main points of the text!)
A Diffuse Sense of Identity
“I'm never sure who I am or what I want. I keep wanting to know what other people want before I make up my mind. I'm heavily influenced by other people's opinions.”
A parent who is too closely allied with a child invariably interferes with the development of the child's sense of identity. Typically, the parent programs the child to have similar tastes and values. In dozens of ways – sometimes with words, sometimes with smiles and winks – the parent says to the child: “You and I are buddies,” “We like the same things,” or “We are different from the rest of the family.” The parent is looking for an ally, a champion, a soul mate. In most cases, the child will comply, because pleasing the parent – and thereby ensuring the parent's love – is more important than developing a sense of self. Survival comes first; self-expression is secondary.
