Series of posts about Covert Incest from “The Emotional Incest Syndrome” by Patricia Love with Jo Robinson. Healing the dynamics of covert (emotional or non-sexual but gender-related) incest.
From pages 257 - 269:
[Y]ou may have found yourself wondering, “Is it worth it to go to all this effort to explore the past and change my relationships? What rewards lie at the end of the journey?” The best way for me to answer these questions is to share the stories of two of my clients who are well on their way to recovery. In the beginning of the book I went into some detail about people who were suffering from emotional incest. Now you'll have a chance to see how two people resolve their difficulties.
The two stories in this final chapter are fairly representative. One is about a man who had to protect himself from an invasive mother, and the other is about a woman who was enmeshed with her adoring father. Through the process describe in this book, they've been able to get a clear understanding of what went wrong in their families and to overcome most of their emotional problems. With courage and persistence they've healed the wounds of enmeshment...
[The author presents two case studies of “Evan” and “Diana”...]
It is a joy to see Evan and Diana today. They are two people representing countless others who have had the courage and the dedication to alter the course of their lives. Are they free from struggle? Of course not. But they address life's little difficulties with the wisdom and confidence that comes from being a whole person.
The struggles they went through are representative of the healing journey of the Chosen Child.
First, they both had to learn how to shore up the boundaries between themselves and their parents, boundaries that had been missing in childhood... By realigning these relationships, they were able to restore a sense of balance within themselves.
Second, they needed to see how their history as Chosen Children was reflected in their present-day lives... Evan and Diana are no longer kept repeating the same painful mistakes... They were free from much of the destructive influences of the past.
Finally, having looked at the past and restructured the present, they both came to the awareness that they had the capacity to be happy, fully functioning human beings. They learned that they were indeed special – not because a parent saw them that way, but because they were loving, whole human beings. Their hard work had enabled them to experience joy in their lives and to be loving and supportive parents to their own children. Their own journey had taken them full circle – back to their original, undivided selves...
Best wishes on your own journey
Excerpt from
Dr. Patricia Love's
The Emotional Incest Syndrome:
What to Do When a Parent's Love Rule's Your Life
Bantam Books, 1990
Dr. Patricia Love's
The Emotional Incest Syndrome:
What to Do When a Parent's Love Rule's Your Life
Bantam Books, 1990
If this information has been remotely beneficial for you,
please purchase the Dr. Love's book
and begin your own journey to healing
or encourage others to find the healing they need.
