Enmeshed For Jesus: Hidden In the Heart of the Adult Child

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Hidden In the Heart of the Adult Child

In every adult who has suffered abuse as a child lies dormant that small child's fear of punishment at the hands of the parents if he or she should dare to rebel against their behavior. But it will lie dormant only as long as that fear remains unconscious. Once consciously experienced, it will dissolve in the course of time.

(Pg 27)

Excerpt from
Alice Miller
The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting
WW Norton, New York, NY (2004)

WHAT IS COVERT/EMOTIONAL INCEST?

The use of one family member (generally an adult) in an inappropriate way to meet needs at the expense of the other party: usually a parent that uses a child to gratify needs that should only be met by another adult.

(According to the literature of psychology, does not always refer to sexual violation.)

COVERT Incest: Use of a child by a parent (or sibling) to meet adult needs (non-sexual, psychological, emotional or religious)
OVERT Incest: sexual violation

"Idealization often occurs in families that are very religious, especially in those kinds of religious homes that draw very strict boundaries to define acceptable and unacceptable attitudes and behaviors.

The high value that is placed on family, and on respect for parents, makes it almost impossible for children to integrate their parents’ failings and weaknesses...

Adult children who have practiced this degree of splitting and idealization tend to be driven by fear."

Dr. David Stoop, “Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves”

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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Hidden In the Heart of the Adult Child