Enmeshed For Jesus: Six Steps of Forgiveness

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Six Steps of Forgiveness

Excerpts from "Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves" by Drs. Stoop and Masteller.

From page 179:

The Six Steps of Forgiveness

1. Recognize the injury.

2. Identify the emotions involved.

3. Express your hurt and anger.

4. Set boundaries to protect yourself.

5. Cancel the debt.

6. Consider the possibility of reconciliation.

Excerpt from
Dr. David Stoop & Dr. James Masteller's
"Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves:
Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families"
Regal/Gospel Light, 1996 (Servant, 1991)

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WHAT IS COVERT/EMOTIONAL INCEST?

The use of one family member (generally an adult) in an inappropriate way to meet needs at the expense of the other party: usually a parent that uses a child to gratify needs that should only be met by another adult.

(According to the literature of psychology, does not always refer to sexual violation.)

COVERT Incest: Use of a child by a parent (or sibling) to meet adult needs (non-sexual, psychological, emotional or religious)
OVERT Incest: sexual violation

"Idealization often occurs in families that are very religious, especially in those kinds of religious homes that draw very strict boundaries to define acceptable and unacceptable attitudes and behaviors.

The high value that is placed on family, and on respect for parents, makes it almost impossible for children to integrate their parents’ failings and weaknesses...

Adult children who have practiced this degree of splitting and idealization tend to be driven by fear."

Dr. David Stoop, “Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves”

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Saturday, August 9, 2008

Six Steps of Forgiveness