Enmeshed For Jesus

Discussion of the Stay-At-Home-Daughter lifestyle and the long term effects of growing up in the Patriarchy/Quiverfull Movement associated with Christian Homeschooling in the US

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Protecting Parents as a Survival Mechanism for Children and Adults

Posted by Cynthia Kunsman at 12:56 PM

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WHAT IS COVERT/EMOTIONAL INCEST?

The use of one family member (generally an adult) in an inappropriate way to meet needs at the expense of the other party: usually a parent that uses a child to gratify needs that should only be met by another adult.

(According to the literature of psychology, does not always refer to sexual violation.)

COVERT Incest: Use of a child by a parent (or sibling) to meet adult needs (non-sexual, psychological, emotional or religious)
OVERT Incest: sexual violation

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What is Multigenerational Faithfulness?

The Ultimate Tragedy:

Another tragedy... is a problem of multigenerational nature. The serious dysfunction in a founding family will be absorbed by the children’s families and then their children’s families, a ripple of misery extending farther and farther down through the years. The dependency or dysfunction may change... But it’s there. It’s almost always there, wreaking it’s damage.

from "Love is a Choice"
by Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier

A Must Read!

Hope, help, and healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy

More Survivors of Kissing Dating Goodbye

"Idealization often occurs in families that are very religious, especially in those kinds of religious homes that draw very strict boundaries to define acceptable and unacceptable attitudes and behaviors.

The high value that is placed on family, and on respect for parents, makes it almost impossible for children to integrate their parents’ failings and weaknesses...

Adult children who have practiced this degree of splitting and idealization tend to be driven by fear."

Dr. David Stoop, “Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves”

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The Writings of Adele Hebert

Recovery Resources

The Quivering Daughters Blog (Support for the recovering daughters of the Patriarchy and QF movements)
Survivor Forum at CovertIncest.org (secular forum)
Christian Recovery International Forums Several different forums helping the Christian community become a safe place for people recovering from addiction, abuse, or trauma.
Partner Forum at CovertIncest.org (secular forum for spouses and those in relationships with those who suffered covert/emotional incest)